In their 2022 Netflix series, Harry & Meghan, Meghan Markle recalls the impact reading death threats had on her mental health and wellbeing. Among them was a tweet that read, "Meghan needs to die. Someone needs to kill her. Maybe it should be me". Though, statistically, the chances are high the tweet was written by simply another angry keyboard warrior, her truth that the threats felt real, and Prince Harry's truth that they caused very real distress also hold ground.
As the adage goes, in most events there are three versions of the truth: yours, theirs and the actual truth. But in my role as a psychologist, I'm not much interested in the truth. I am not a judge, a politician, or a police officer. I hear a wide range of "truths" on a variety of topics. Beyond assessing a patient for intent to harm or delusional beliefs, I don't determine the veracity of a patient's narratives, namely because all personal truths are contextual and shaped by past and present experiences.
I have worked with adult patients who weigh 40 kilograms, yet truly believe they are obese. Other patients, despite coming from a white-picket-fence family, report feeling emotional deprivation and neglect. There are those whose notions of financial strain would be many people's idea of wealth and prosperity.
Instead of dismissing people for speaking their truth and getting into the weeds of who said what or how valid someone's emotional experience is, it's worth listening. Their intended message will be found in what is unsaid, in the gaps of the story and the pauses in the telling of it. What's more, we are allowed to change our minds and reach a new "truth", whether that be within a day, a year, or at several points over a lifetime.
The late Queen Elizabeth II was correct in saying that "recollections may vary". But recollections vary not only between individuals, but also within individuals. Two things can be true – both "the truth" and "your truth".
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