When Did We Start Pretending Britney Spears Doesn't Suck? - hecklerspray

When I was in high school, I specifically remember it was shameful to like Britney Spears. We incessantly made fun of a guy friend of mine for owning a copy of Baby One More Time. He bought it “because she’s hot,” he told us, knowing full well that “I like her music” would have been met with absolute befuddlement.

That statement would not have registered, because, frankly, Britney Spears is not a good singer, artist, performer, etc. Whatever you want to call her, she’s not good at it, and she never has been.

So tell me: why the hell we’re all acting like she’s a music legend?

After way too much deliberation and hoopla, Britney Spears was recently announced as the next judge on X-Factor. In this decision, she was compared alongside Madonna and Mariah Careyâ€"both of whom I’m not crazy about, either. But hey, at least they can sing.

Granted, X-Factor  is dumb. But still. In the promos, hearing Britney Spears tell the talent: “You can’t ruin that song sweetie,” is like hearing Sylvester Stallone tell someone their acting is sub-par. In the promo, they never cut to whom Britney is telling thisâ€"but unless it’s William Fucking Hung, this woman has no business telling anyone they’re ruining anything.

She’s responsible for this little gem, after all (Note: You may have to get through an ad that includes dancing hamsters, but they’re actually more talented than Britney Spears):

Upon having this discussion with a younger Britney fan who insisted the pop star “changed music, like, forever” I realized that the generation below mine sort of views Britney the same way my generation views Madonna. So at first, I thought maybe I was just getting old. But then I listened to this:

I’m sorry, case closed. This is not singing. It sounds like a robot fucking, at best.

Basically, Britney shot to fame for wearing a schoolgirl outfit and prancing around in a short skirt. And that’s fine, but then why the hell isn’t Sasha Grey on X-Factor?

And it’s not just about Idol. When Britney had her 2012 “Femme Fatale” comeback tour, people went ape shit.

I think a lot of Britney’s staying power has to do with her 2008 meltdown. You know, the one where she shaved her had and started using an umbrella as a sword? Actually, that’s probably the most entertaining thing she’s ever done. But should we be putting her on a pedestal for going fucking bananas? No. She might be a pop culture icon, that’s fine. William Hung is a pop culture icon. But, like William, a music legend she is not.

Just because something is a symbol of our youth doesn’t mean we have to pretend it’s good. People enjoy ‘New Kids on the Block’ ironically, but does anyone claim they’ve changed music? No! They’re terrible, but we love them for that, because they remind us of when we were little and we had shitty taste in music. Britney should be viewed in the same vein, not as an icon and definitely not put in the same category of influence as talented female singers like Mariah Carey, Debbie Harry, Beyonce, Whitney Houston etc. etc. etc.

Some may argue that Britney has still made numerous contributions to music despite her not having the same vocal chops as some of the greats. But come on, people. Is the music industry really any better off because of Toxic?

Something tells me it would’ve been just fine without it.